I was brought up in an environment where everyone lied routinely. As a child I demonstrated what they considered then, a character problem in me, and for which I was much reviled and character assassinated.
You see Ed, I could not lie effectively. Now that sounds like I’m showing off. But I assure you it was quite the opposite then. For example, one adult member of the foster family says to me, “When grandfather dies, I’m going to inherit this and this and this. Don’t mention this to anyone.”
There’s a knock on the door. Another member enters. “Oh hello,” looks at me, “What were you talking about?”
Me – “About how when grandfather dies, she’s going to inherit his….”
Inheritor 1, “My God what a liar she is!!! What a horrible story she just made up!!! Why is she such a liar.”
Family member who just entered – not wanting a conflict with inheritor 1, “Oh my God! For such a small child… what a horrible thing to make up. What a LIAR she is!!!”
And so Ed, as I went about, mentally unable to process what I should say and what I shouldn’t (would’ve gotten an autism diagnosis in today’s world for social ineptitude) I got the ignominious title of “liar” for regularly blurting out the truth.
I didn’t even realize what was going on, till I was 16 and attending a pentecostal church regularly.
So this woman who was a respected elder in the church (you know the type who is like a dominatrix lol and no one dares shout louder, so she becomes “Respected”), but she says to another person standing near me, “Be careful what you say to her (pointing at me), the pastor told me she’s like his tap for exact and correct information of what’s happening. She repeats everything exactly. He just asks her and she just mentions everything she hears.”
The person nodded and said, “Don’t worry, I already know.”
I was shocked, Ed. SHOCKED. Me??? A tap for information??? It was made like I was a snitch. When actually, I never knew I was being tapped for information. I had no clue at all.
I cried about that for years I think.
At some point it hit me. I’ve been ridiculed all my life, way into adulthood, for one fault – telling the truth when asked a question.
I realized that despite growing up being repeatedly told I had to lie to get by, I’d somehow maintained this habit of telling the truth.
And I realized that I was fighting a losing battle trying to fit into social scenarios where they considered truth telling a problematic thing.
I was never going to become so smart as to be able to regulate and control what I say.
As you can imagine, Ed, no criminal enterprise, secret society, intelligence agency or terrorist group is ever going to give me a job. Doors are closed there.
Even now, Ed, this all sounds a little funny. I don’t think I’ve conveyed to you just how serious my inability to lie has been, and the toll it took on me.
Where I grew up, lying was critical to society. People got beat up because when I was asked who’d given them a drop home, their extra marital affair came to light.
I was HATED.
I never wanted to get anyone in trouble. Only, I didn’t have the ability to think before speaking.
But I kept trying… to fit in, to survive.
On two occasions in my life, I lied that someone who wasn’t my husband, was, to get a apartment on rent and for social safety, and for their social safety. The consequences of those lies – which I later had to build on with social performances – were just devastating.
Very slowly, Ed, I began to see that truth and lies affect us so deeply, even small truths and lies.
In the energy field I’ve often seen that when someone lies to me, a sort of block forms in my energy field. My system doesn’t find what they’re saying matching my sensing of the environment, and I develop a block because by believing their lie, my vision gets skewed and my energy cannot flow out right.
I realized that when we lie to others who believe us, we are not just covering our asses, we are doing a bad thing to them. We are causing a problem in their vision of reality, holding them back from their living.
This made me decide to stop lying even small lies. I don’t want to help develop a false vision of life in someone else that could hurt or hold them back. That goes against my spirit.
That was years ago, Ed.
I stopped talking to people who wanted/ needed me to lie; who would abuse me for telling the truth.
Every time I did I would feel the change in my body, my energy flow almost immediately.
I thought when I started, that I’d be totally “lie-free” by the end of the week. But it wasn’t so simple.
I discovered a whole lot of things I’d been lying to myself about. I thought that was allowed. You know… motivational talk.
No…. when we lie to ourselves we hold ourselves back from reality and the hope of healing, just as when we lie to others.
And then Ed, I hit a roadblock that lasted many many years and drained me over and over and over.
Facts versus Truth
There was this incident. It’s too personal to type the details here. But I thought something happened. Yet my heart kept insisting it didn’t happen.
My heart BELIEVED it didn’t happen. But my mind said, “But it did!!!!! I WAS THERE.”
I was torn because of this crisis and one day I prayed about it real desperate .
I wrote to you immediately after, and I’m copy pasting here what I wrote to you:
God taught me something today, Ed.
There’s a difference between “not telling lies” and “telling the truth”.
Those who do not have a soul have no truth crisis because the mass consciousness dictates reality and whatever matches the mass consciousness is their “truth” and what doesn’t match is a lie.
Those who do have soul, have personal experience of a moment. This is the universal soul truth. It’s the applicable and effective truth. THIS TRUTH MOLDS REALITY AHEAD.
The fact in our time’s science is – Air or space is colorless. Therefore the sky is in fact colorless.
To say it is blue or any other color is a lie.
To say the sky is colorless, is “not telling lies”. But it does not represent effective reality.
The truth is the experience of the person. We see the sky is blue or black or pink or golden or red or purple. How we experience it is the truth. The color of the sky warns us about storms, tells us about the weather and has a deep effect on our lives.
God showed me how we cheat ourselves of power by settling for “not telling lies” instead of “telling the truth”. One keeps us “safe” but the other sets us free, gives us wings.
I asked God why that happens – why do we settle for just not telling lies.
I saw that if something happened that broke our confidence in our own selves, then we fell into the mass consciousness and its set of facts, and the safety those facts represent.
I asked myself what those things are that break my confidence in myself and stop me from holding my own truth. I made a list and I’m working on those.
I have experienced in my body, the release that comes from stepping boldly into looking at the truth witnessed to my spirit that might have no evidence in the factual world.
And Ed, in a serious conflict I chose my own truth over visible fact and you know what, years later I discovered that I was right. I’d been deceived about the facts. Appearances can be deceiving. Incidents, “she said, he said”… all can be so deceiving. You could eat something thinking it’s cheese, when it could not be made of milk at all!
You see Ed? What’s written on the tin doesn’t matter – how it feels in your stomach matters – that’s where the truth is, that affects your life.
I am still on my journey, learning to tell the truth, and am experiencing every day the release that truth brings in one’s life.
I find Ed, that these are the things that set us free from a life of energy inefficiency, and dependency on medicines etc. I do want to sell herbal medicine and become stinking rich – it really is my plan. But I’m never going to get there in one piece until I tell my truth the whole way.
All of nature, all the herbs, all the sunsets and sunrises, and everything, just holds our hand and leads us to the same place, the truth of our own spirit.
You know what they say – You can lead the horse to the water but you can’t make him drink.
I want to drink.
(I know how that sounds. Hahahahaha). But you know what I mean. I want to cross over. I want everyone to cross over. When everyone’s crossed over I’ll find a new way to make a living. 😉 Marry a rich guy.
I heard you have a car, Ed?
You know I like to add a picture in. Here is one I took, of onions, recently. I find onions a very useful medicine for clogged-up-ness. I wrote it about it in – Increase Nerve Force with Herbs, Food; Lifestyle Changes